1 | 29 Mar 2020

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     BBC latest: Government requisitions ad campaign for Robert Downey Junior's "Dolittle" for week-2 push on self-isolation. When will it end?

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3 | 30 Mar 2020

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Have you joined the Liberal Democrats? Are you at a Simply Red concert? Are you trying to explain the difference between transient climate response and equilibrium climate sensitivity at an Extinction Rebellion march? Are you just about to post something questioning aspects of trans-ideology on twitter? Are you on the way to my fortieth birthday party? Are you inside the wasteland of my life?

 

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5 | 30 Mar 2020

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Why are you in a tree?

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7  | 30 Mar 2020

 

I don't know why I'm not in a tree. You make a good point.

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9  | 30 Mar 2020

 

Hhhwhy (I'll say it again) are you in a tree?

 

 

11  | 30 Mar 2020

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Hahahaha! Whu? 

 

 

13  | 30 Mar 2020

 

You plonker. What have you done? Whose nose have you evicted?

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15  | 30 Mar 2020

 

Helpful. So what happened?

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17  | 30 Mar 2020

 

That... is hilarious.

 

Yep, or at least when we were jogging with a safe distance between us I thought I was gonna collapse in howls. Can't say I'm that amused now. Hints this could get sour quite quick. e.g. a dog walker went by a few minutes ago and called me a selfish cunt (wasting police time). I mean with real venom and anger. Not very funny.

 

Mainly funny though. Largely funny. See, that's why I think Lord Sumption is wrong. We're absolutely not heading into a police state because we're not competent enough to head into one. L Sumption (I'm guessing you know who he is) was just on the radio, half an hour ago, talking about the drone on the Derbyshire hills/Clapham common (?) "You're not holiday, we are in lockdown". Well, you know, bollocks. It looks dystopian from a certain angle, but really it's I hope you appreciate me maintaining that this is actually funny. I'm thinking of your mental health mate, keeping that morale up.

 

No, that's great, I'm laughing so hard I might fall out of the tree. And THEN I'LL LAUGH EVEN LOUDER. And then when a small mob gathers to pelt me with stones for damaging the NHS I may well have to rely on the NHS to stitch my sides back up.

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There's always dicks in a crisis, and some of those dicks are in the police. But try and see it from my perspective, you know? Tone down the me, me, me. For me it's very funny. So what's the plan, Daddio?

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Well, I haven't got sixty quid to spare so I'm staying put.

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Ok, keep me updated. You freak.

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I will. In one way it's actually quite pleasant up here. The view is tremendous.

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Steve Mifsud in Worle, there. And if there are any further developments we'll go straight back to Steve, live at the scene.

 

Or dead. Depending on whether civilisation fucking holds.

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Meh, whatevs.

 

Did you find, though, the first week was actually incredibly relaxing?

 

A little bit, yeah.

 

I felt like, welcome to my world, I know how to handle this because there's absolutely no change for me. That's gone now, though.

 

Maybe a bit. Message me when you're down.

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Yup.

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Ha! It's not working though. Won't play...

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Oh, should do. Works for me.

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Could be my reception. I'm out for my daily ration of exercise.

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Ah ok. Anywhere noyce?

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Just around. FRESH AIR!!

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You're lucky where you are. Practically come out of the door and you're on a country path. Send pics.

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[pic]

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Where's that?

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Well, I'm a bit further out this time.

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28 minutes ago

You've not walked all the way there have you?

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4 minutes ago

No, I haven't walked. I said some nasty things to you last week. Not entirely unjustified. But not entirely justified either. In fact I was quite vile at times. I'm very sorry about that.

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1 minute ago

My current view:

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Just now

Great view. Don't worry.

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Don't touch your face, wash your hands when you get in.

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You betcha.

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---

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Why haven't you rung Alison?

Because it doesn't matter now.

What do you mean?

It's all fucked.

What's fucked?

She's gone over her parents, that's it.

Defying THE RULES?

Yep. Defying the rules.

Wait, I'm confused. Did you have a tiff and she's huffed off for a bit?

No, I think this is permanent.

I think we can officially say you're not having a good lockdown. What happened brother?

Well, nothing. There's just something wrong with me isn't there?

Of course there's something wrong with you. There's something wrong with everyone. But what's triggered this, now?

Nothing's triggered it in particular, it's just me isn't it? I know it is. There's something wrong with me. I can't be normal in the sense of I'm incapable of being normal.

I'm sorry bro, I've got to give you two barrels here, for your own good. And everyone else's around you because we all tear our hair out about you.

 

1. You've been too  long in your head. And because you've not been around people you've developed this unhealthy thought-process that somehow you have rare insights into things others don't have and the only reason why you can't get those insights out into the wider world is somehow the wider-world's fault. Fuck the metropolitan liberal elite. That's bullshit that they're holding you back for your non-conformity. You doing that thing, there, that you claim to hate about a lot of our current culture: claiming victim status. But you're not a victim. Because I'm sorry to say your rare insights - while great, I don't doubt you think clearly and perceptively - are not unique.

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2. You've developed a fear of the 9 to 5. The Day job. More than a fear in fact, a disdain. And it's not to your credit. Because to us it look's like you think you're better than everybody else. But I know deep down you don't think that.  

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steve

wow. 

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don't just say wow.

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I don't know what else to say.

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